Vatican City-- Pope Benedict XVI has called for a new crusade in the Middle East to free Jerusalem from non-Christians. The pope has called upon all young Roman Catholic men to volunteer in a 'crusade to end all crusades'. Pope Benedict has named himself the top general in the crusade and he wants all young men to report directly to him for training.
"The Church wants you--and so do I." stated the pope. "We need all cute guys between the ages of 18 and 19 to report to the Vatican for a very intense physical--right away!" ordered the pope with a sigh.
The pope intends to personally conduct a 'short-arm inspection' on all new recruits for the crusade.
"I--I mean we--don't want circumscribed males to apply for this crusade. It might mean they are Jewish." said the pope. "Only nice young males with long silky hair and no beards should apply, the younger the better." he gushed.
The pope originally wanted another Children's Crusade, but thought it might get him into trouble. He decided to settle for very young adults instead.
"The Church desperately needs all young uncircumcised males. Apply today!" urged the pope.