Written by mikewadestr
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Topics: Zoo, Penguins, Tokyo

Monday, 21 May 2012

image for Escaped Penguin Suspected of Pranking Tokyo Zoo
Are you sure you sure we can use the cane? We don't have any fingers you know.

The Humboldt Penguin whose daring escape from Tokyo's Sea Life Park in March, which shocked the world, is now suspected of pranking Tokyo Zoo. The Penguin, named Penguin No.13, who looks no different that Penguins 1-12, threw himself over a 13 foot wall by using a catapult that was cleverly made of herrings. Penguins 1-12 were supposed to follow but their appetites got the best of them and they ended up eating the catapult instead. Penguin No. 12, who has now been on the lam for 2 months and is believed to be using an alias, has been suspected in a number of pranks that have been taking place at the zoo.

In an interview with Tokyo Zookeeper, Jerry Dusted, who was sitting behind his office desk dressed in a top hat, tails, ascot tie, vest and tuxedo shirt, started the interview by saying:

"I know what all of you are thinking: 'What's a big hairy white guy from Kansas doing running Ueno Zoo?' Well to be honest, I was on a really bad bender and ended up in a Japanese fisherman's net. When the fisherman brought me to shore, everyone felt that the best place for me was in the zoo'".

"My apologies for my appearance, when I arrived at work this morning I found this suit in my locker in lieu of my normal uniform. When I asked my subordinates what was going on they told me they had nothing to do with it and that my pants were being worn by the gorilla, the shirt by one of the chimpanzees and the two flamingos were wearing one shoe each, which may explain why the flamingos were both standing on one leg".

"I tell you things have been really weird around here lately. I mean we had this really short guy dressed as a Tibetan Monk claiming to be the Dalai Lama and handing out herrings to everyone. I swear the guy must have been less than two feet tall. I just don't remember the Dalai Lama being so small and having such long beak. Hell, when I went to shake his hand he didn't even have any fingers. He just looks so different on TV".

"Man", continued Dusted. "Lately, the Emperor Penguins have been doing a rendition of Putting on the Ritz at 9, 12 and 3 o'clock each day. I don't have a problem with the rendition because it's pretty damn good but those top hats and bow ties are definitely going to put us over budget. And when the hell did penguins start carrying canes?

"Well that is about all I have time for", stated Dusted as he go up from behind his desk. "I'll show you guys out".

As Dusted led the way out the door it was really hard not to notice that he was wearing clown pants and oversized clown shoes and holding a clown horn that he squeezed two times for every two steps he took. As the group headed towards the main entrance Dusted started singing to himself:

"If we could talk to the animals…"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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