Following the recent arrest of Bernardo Provenzano, former head of the Mafia, a vacuum was created soon to be filled by retiring Vice President Dick Cheney. Mr. Provenzano eluded the police (real thing, not old singing group) for the last 43 years, while successfully running the organization from a secret location. Following the arrest, a worldwide search was initiated by several headhunter agencies endeavoring to locate a replacement.
Though the position was initially offered to Osama Ben Laden, who refused, being too busy with a killing agenda promoting love of god, the job was quickly snapped up by Vice President Dick Cheney, announcing he was best qualified to head the organization. Cheney's Curriculum Vitae included his extensive experience working in the corporate world while head of Halliburton, additional experience in politics, most recently serving as Vice President and having at least one hit under his belt.
News leaked out to the BBC that Tony Blair was livid when discovering his name failed to make the short list of applicants. In protest, Blair withdrew three promised peerages, two knighthoods, contracts to rebuild the London bridge, both houses of Parliament, British side of the Chunnel, the controversial pickle building, and a partridge in a pear tree. Blair issued a formal complaint at the Hague.
Told he was addressing the wrong body to review his plea, Mr. Blair insisted his qualifications to head the Mafia were substantially greater than those of Mr. Cheney, suggesting that his C. V. could prove he single-handedly managed to start the war in Iraq. He argued that without England, the United States would never have had a coalition. Hence, no war in Iraq or suicide bombers in London. He even sexed up fraudulent documents from Italy promoting the threat of WMD and lastly, boasted of being the god father of the phrase, The people's Princess. Ole.
Making an appearance on the Oprah show, final gateway for all career announcements and confessional of horrific personality disorders, Mr. and Mrs. Cheney briefed the hostess, and the world, of their plans to embark upon a new life at an undisclosed location in a cave somewhere below sea level in Sicily. Besides their new cave, they will take over the management of a Pecorino cheese factory. Made of sheep's milk, Cheney will take on the duties of a sheperd. Both promised to send Oprah a wheel of cheese dotted with tasty black pepper corns. Yummy.
Always cheerful, Lynn Cheney also had a new children's book to promote about the Mafia which was titled, My Favorite Killing, 96 pages, $29.00, all proceeds going directly to her favorite charity.