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Friday, 11 May 2012

image for New Irish budget airline launched with new mottos and plenty of fee-paying extras
One of the new fleet of RyeandHair planes takes off

A new budget Irish airline has been launched that plans to compete with other existing budget Irish airlines.

Called RyeandHair Underground Airways (not to be in any way confused with other Irish airlines of a similar name such as Aer Lingus or Air Arran, to be sure, to be sure), their new mottos - "We take more fare off you" and "Breakfast in America, luggage in Cambodia" - reflects the higher levels of customer service and rip-offs expected to be provided for the long-suffering budget traveller.

The chief executive of the new airline, Michael O. Leery, speaking at the launch said that the public can expect "greater levels", although what these greater levels are have yet to be revealed.

Mr Leery went on to explain that with both air and airports being so congested and expensive, in particular the price of a beer and sandwich at Leeds Bradford Airport, his new airline will be flying underground to avoid these excessive charges.

However passengers needn't feel alarmed that the new airline will be sacrificing any of the hidden charges for flying with them that have become so beloved by users of other Irish budget airlines totally unconnected with, or sounding the least bit like, RyeandHair, to be sure, to be sure.

They can expect surcharges for their tickets, seats, even more booking fees than before, and special rates for beverages, seats, entry fees, exit fees, going to the gents or ladies, lifebelts, earphones, oxygen and more. In fact, RyeandHair will be the first airline in the world to introduce a surcharge for speaking, or in the case of babies, crying.

"Our mission stetement" Mr Leery said "is to ensure that every ticket we advertise on our internet site will be priced 24/7 at £3.99, so that irrespective of the time of booking, the customer only pays £3.99, plus, of course, the hidden charges for each ticket which amount to £193 each way."

The telephone numbers of the BBC Watchdog and Rip-Off Britain television consumer programmes will be printed on the backs of each seat (reading curcharge [sic], £2), and a representative from Which? magazine will be available at each airport terminal visited.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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