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Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Despite recent setbacks, the terrorist group al-Qaeda remains firmly committed to using their undergarments to try and blow things up, a spokesman said today.

"We've tried shoes, socks, and of course underwear," said Jabir Al Jabazz in a telephone interview, "but you know, there are only so many places to hide bombs inside your clothes, and when it comes down to it, most security personnel aren't overly enthusiastic about looking into the drawers of a sweaty Middle Eastern guy. I think we are going to keep at it."

Mr. Jabazz went on to say that some in his organization foresee a complete line of underwear-based products to be marketed to potential terrorists. "My favorite is called 'Fruit 'O the Booms.' It's basically just underwear with a bomb in it." He added, "We also have something called the Dyno-nightie. It's a negligee made out of dynamite. The only problem is that it's designed for women, and our policy has always been that women who wear sexy underwear should be stoned to death."

Mr. Jabazz admitted that the underwear program has been less successful than he'd hoped. "I'm not going to lie. During the testing phase, a lot of guys have lost their penises in premature explosions, but I think we've worked out most of the kinks. Our goal is to detonate a pair of underwear on a plane or train or something. For millions of people to hear about one of our guys blowing his penis off, well, that would really be something."

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