Osama bin Laden speaking to mediums on the eve of the first commemoration of his death, says that he sure is in Hell, but he would not want it any other way.
"The guys in Heaven all want to come down here. There's no hot stuff up there - not even a Lamb Tikka Masala. Man, I tell you, it's sure great fun here in Hell," he told the medium Bright Comet.
He told her that a new arrival to Hell is met with a fireworks display.
"Man, I tell you," he said, "for a man who for sure set off enough fireworks in his life, I must say that the guy in charge here - Lucifer - keeps the fires blazing. And in more ways than one! The women - vow! The sex - fantastic! The porn - super! Those American G.I. porn videos I watched back in Abbottabad, man, they were boring compared to what is here. And Hell's got virgins by the bedful, man, I tell you!"
He told another medium who does not want to be named that in the past year he's befriended several Hellers, as, he says, those in Hell call themselves.
"I'm, in fact, big friends with Joe Stalin and Adolf Hitler. Stalin's a great guy. Vow! If only I had met him while I was still in your Earth zone. Adolf is a nice guy too, but he is a bit of a stiff. Keeps on about how he should not be down here in Hell but up in Heaven 'cause of the good things he'd done in his Earth life," the medium told us Bin Laden told her.
She asked him what he would do differently should he be given a chance to relive his Earth life and he replied: "Next time no Mr. Nice Guy!"