Written by IainB
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Saturday, 28 April 2012

image for Canadians plan on changing their accent
Hello Peeps, it's only the bludy CN Tower, init

Canadians are planning on changing their accent to make it more distinct from the American accent.

"Y'all think we're from the You Essay," said Saskatchewan Spokesman, Brad Hanson. "So were gonna go change our accent and get our own identity, ya know."

The hunt is now on for the Canadians to find their own accent.

"West Canada would like a Parisian accent," said Hanson. "But this doesn't go down well with the East Canadians who hate the French almost as much as the English, Germans, Spanish, well, non-French really."

There was a brief flirtation with the Japanese accent, but the Canadians quickly discovered that most place names in Canada do not match up well with the Japanese accent.

"We're really struggling," said Hanson. "Jamaican sounded fun, but people were getting confused between bacon and beer cans. We like both. We need to be able to distinguish."

Jon Culshaw, an impersonator from the UK has been brought in to try and help create a unique accent for the Canadians.

"It's remarkable," said Culshaw, imitating David Coleman for some reason, before switching to Brian Cox. "For the first time ever, an entire country of people want to manufacture an accent."

Culshaw's initial attempt to have the entire country talk like the 1970s Children's TV show, The Clangers, was not well received, and nor was having the whole country talk in high-pitched, squeaky voices.

"After a great deal of consultation," said Culshaw, doing Ronnie Corbett, "we have settled on everybody impersonating either the Harry Enfield character Stavros or Alan Bennet, depending on whether they are male or female."

This has apparently gone down well, and will be rolled out across the country by 2014.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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