Written by Don Fulsom
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Topics: China, Prison, Blind

Saturday, 28 April 2012

Escaped political prisoner Chen Guangcheng is getting the last laugh on his former Chinese captors. "I can see perfectly well through these magic sunglasses," Chen chuckled at a post-escape press conference in San Francisco.

"Those stupid prison officials bought my faked disability, hook line and sinker. I tricked them so bad that I could be known as the Richard Nixon of China," asserted the escapee in perfect idiomatic American English and with an obvious knowledge of modern U.S. history.

Chen did not remove his glasses for the occasion and refused to describe just how they gave him the ability to see. "That'll be in my coming book," he explained. "Let's just say I did not follow a 'Trail of Braille' to climb those damn prison walls, as some irresponsible reports have suggested."

The freed activist said he chose San Francisco to reveal the major secret of his daring flee to freedom because of ithe city's large Chinese population. "I like to marry and settle down here," Chen added, "because I might also be gay. And there are some cute looking gays guys in this town, man. oh man.But I'll also reveal that side of me in my book"

The 40-year-old said he faked blindness from birth because he had an "awesome religious in-the-womb experience that communism was a totally bad system." Chen added: "I might even be a messiah--but I'll save that surprise for the book."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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