Written by F Rheins
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Topics: America, Iran

Sunday, 9 April 2006

image for Persia Rising - America and Western Europe put on notice.
Iran with the bomb? T.S. Eliot was wrong!!

Ali-McBealystan Network News-Iran has its back hunched, raring to take on the West, and its arsenal this go around doesn't mainly consist of hostile words, backstabbing freedom fighters and suicidal human waves.

Sensing the time is ripe, Iran has recently and brazenly unveiled to the world it fully intends to claim its rightful place under the Sun, that really hot thing that burns the sands of the Middle-East.

State run Iranian Television has revealed film of successful tests of what are purported to be new high-tech. weaponry, equal to the task of shifting the balance of global power, militarily. And with pious Iran being whipped into a frenzy by a messianic hard-liner, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, its vast territory and sizeable population controlled by severe Ayatollahs, who answer only to Allah, this is one nation, already on the fast track to mastering the Nuclear fuel cycle, that is spurring Western Capitals to rethink long and hard foreign policy.

Fist put on display for the cameras was a stealth "flying boat," capable of launching multiple missiles. Add to that a radar-evading missile, rocket-torpedoes, and a revolutionary leap in anti-ship missiles, projectiles that allegedly cannot be thwarted by the best of defensive systems, practical confidence is gaining an equal footing with fanatical arrogance in Tehran.

"The Iranian government, on the cusp of acquiring the A-bomb, has a lot of solid reasons to believe the path to regional geopolitical greatness has never been so open and beckoning," says Professor Dexter Poin, head of international studies at Johnny Hopkins University.

"And one could see where they're coming from: You got their once-greatest rival, Saddam, dethroned and making an ass out of himself in a Baghdad courtroom, daily. America and Britain appear to be mired, militarily and politically, in Iraq-particularly harassed by co-religionist Shiite militias that, some believe, are taking marching orders from the Ayatollahs.

"As for the rest of the so-called major players?"

"Western Europe's collective approach acts little in the way of a deterrent, solidly committed as they are to peaceful negotiation, no matter how long it takes, even after clouds in the remote plateau of Iran start to 'shroom. Tacit backing of Iranian ambition by Russia and China, both of whom will most likely block any attempt of the U.N. to rein in its nuclear ambition, isn't at all helpful. All that topped off with the Israelis persistently viewed as pariahs by most of the international community; well, the Jewish state might not go it alone to knock out their Nuclear facilities. It's one raid which is fraught with failure from the get-go.

"With all those cards in your favor," concluded the professor, his tone a tad excited, "why not strut your stuff, throw down your hand, and go for broke."

Yes, it would seem Iran will have the Middle-East, at least the Sunni-part of it, cowering in awe, soon enough. And if the Satanic West doesn't like it, they can just get the hell out of the region, the triumphant defenders of the Truest Faith will certainly roar.

Except. . . .

Experts in the Western military establishment, men with long-term defense associations and extensive military expertise in their backgrounds, and a bit more hands-on knowledge than the scholarly, gray-beared professor, privately say otherwise.

For one, they are convinced all of the "new" and "threatening" weapons Iran has been showboating lately are nothing more than localized knockoffs of Russian, Chinese and North Korean technology, all prettied up with sacred Red, Green and White paint. They further add if the psychotically pious Iranians honestly think that such post-Soviet, improvised gadgetry would deter an overwhelming attack by American jets and submarine-launched missiles, neither of which are needed on the ground in Iraq (they just don't present themselves as very good targets, not like the backs of G.I.'s and Marines do for the local bands of "freedom fighters," gloriously fighting for Theocracy and/or ethnic domination), then all their religious visions just must be nothing more than the byproducts of smoking exotic narcotics.

Taking out Iran's nuclear infrastructure will be a challenge, the military-minded community holds as a consensus-challenging as in, say, a leisurely long "turkey shoot." Just keep flying sorties and shooting off laser-guided missiles, and eventually anything and everything of significant military value will be blown to smithereens. Just ask Iraq, the Taliban and the former Yugoslavia, one and all experts asserted for this story.

Unfortunately, a whole lot of collateral damage will result; the lives of innocents will be cut short; deprivation is sure to be visited on many an Iranian once the bombing stops; and, puzzling, international condemnation will certainly rain down on the Americans.

"Ah, what the hell," groused one ornery old fellow, an ex-Air Force general named Buck Hoff, whose square face and steel jaw evoke the tough military demeanor he still carries with him in retirement. "They're all are, or are gonna grow up to be, religious bigots, gullibly following the orders of any bozo who puts on a turban, grows a beard and runs around in a moo-moo. Hardly what I call human beings. Collateral damage, schmateral damage, my super-sonic ass. The world can do without the little pissers, and the smug jack-asses that push their buttons!"

Yes, those who know high-tech., highly-skilled and highly motivated military application like the back of their hand have no doubt Western might will crush Iranian defenses, forcing the country to its knees, leaving its borders undefended. The ongoing, irksome Iraqi occupation will only be a relative distraction.

Now, if ground troops are landed for some insane reason, if at least a million men don't comprise the occupation force, and if each soldier isn't issued orders to shoot anything that moves without prior permission?

Well, that's a whole 'nother story. Then those fabled old weapons of the Iranian leadership, before they started dabbling in the big-boy's game of military arms, will come back into play, with a vengeance:

Hostile words, colored by religious and national mania, will certainly whip up the ignorant; then come the backstabbing freedom fighters, sneaks who will lust to bite the hands that feed their people; and, lastly, suicidal human waves, largely composed of society's dregs (slavish women, know-nothing children and guys who just can't find any other purpose in life, even if they lived a thousand years). All of which will keep coming and coming at anyone unlucky enough to enter that Godforsaken country, till the peace promised by so many practitioners of Islam-death!! -overtakes the land.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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