A special Vatican council of Bishops, Archbishops and Priests says many left-leaning American nuns are an embarrassment to the Roman Catholic Church for not speaking out more loudly against abortions, rubbers, gay marriage and high church posts for women.
"Who do these damn nuns think they are? They're supposed to be poor, chaste and obedient! They're just supposed to be running orphanages, not setting church doctrine," stated an apparent Archbishop in Rome who refused to identify himself. The man was wearing an Archbishop's outfit and spoke Latin. He added: "These gals have no say at all on what happens in the hierarchy of our blessed church. This is blasphemous! Some of them even support Obamacare!"
A spokeswoman for the liberal American nuns, Mother Superior Avi of Skokie, Illinois, said the Vatican would be much better off with a woman Pope-just for starters.
"And," she added, "if there were as many women in the priesthood and the Vatican, the church wouldn't be in such a major financial and membership bind because of all the billions it had to pay out to victims of priestly abuse."