PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA--In a rare and unprecedented move, North Korean officials have been forced to admit that their 90-ton firework was a complete and utter dud.
The entertainment device, which North Korea has assured the world was the largest and grandest of its kind ever created, only lasted 81 seconds in flight Friday, before it broke apart and fell unspectacularly back to earth to a chorus of boos.
Said Paek Chang Ho, head of the satellite control center at the Korean Committee for Space Technology, told reporters allowed into the country for the special occasion, "the entire station was in complete shock when the harmless firework that was definitely not a weapon of any sort, broke apart and failed to do any further weapon-like activity, not that a lowly little firework like this would ever be capable of such an action, of course."
The Unha-3, or "Happy-Funtime-Harmless-Color-Sky-Balls" as the North Korean media preferred we call it, was reportedly part of an elaborate festivity to celebrate North Korean's late founder Kim Il Sung's 100th birthday.
U.S. representatives say they tried to warn the Koreans not to launch it, because "they [fireworks] are totally lame."
At press time, North Korean scientists were busy celebrating Kim Jong-Un's newly appointed title of "first chairman" by gently whacking a piñata that definitely doesn't contain an experimental nuclear device of any kind.