Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 28 March 2012

image for Couple's lava lamp flat blast hell as Sun squares up to Pluto
Scene of devastation in Bethnal Green

London - "Don't blame retrograde Mercury and Mars for this hellish fiasco," star-gazing experts said today following a massive blast in an East London residential property.

It's resulted in a Bethnal Green couple being treated for burns and shock after a home made lava - or 'motion' - lamp exploded, obliterating an entire residential apartment block.

Friends had warned the unnamed pair against amateur domestic pyrotechnics ahead of a build-up to tomorrow's astrological clash.

This sees the Sun - the zodiac's life force - squaring Pluto - a planet traditionally associated with 'dark arts'... such as melting paraffin wax candles over a kitchen stove.

"Some inorganic food dyes were also involved," a Tower Hamlets fire officer commented, "creating a highly potent propellant which took the blast surge all the way up five stories."

The 20-somethings had been told to abstain from creative kitchen pursuits 'until well after April Fools Day' when current astrological mayhem is due to abate.

However they'd already booked a pitch at a local car boot sale where they hoped to sell the lamps and kept their fingers crossed - as one would - in anticipation of getting lots of dosh for their creative handiwork.

Tomorrow's Sun/Pluto clash occurs at 19.55GMT.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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