Nigerian business man Prince Nwadala-Al-Homonym has lambasted the British for being too sceptical.
"I had thirty million American dollars that I wanted to invest in a reliable British company," said Nwadala-Al-Homonym. "I made this money quite above board from my sex lines and gun trafficking. Yet I really struggled to find anybody willing to let me invest in their companies in the UK."
Nwadala-Al-Homonym sent emails to hundreds of company executives, alerting them to the investment opportunity that his money offered.
"I did not received one email back," said Nwadala-Al-Homonym. "The British people are so ignorant and rude. I even tried contacting ordinary people, telling them of my woes, and asking if they would invest the money on my behalf. I even offered to let them keep the interest that they would earn on thirty million dollars. I considered this amazingly generous. Not one reply, not even to say no. I am not surprised that there is a recession in the UK."
Eventually, Nwadala-Al-Homonym flew to the UK and personally visited several companies. Even in this, he discovered hostility and ridicule.
"You would think I am a leper," said Nwadala-Al-Homonym. "However, I no longer have leprosy, having been able to afford the cure."
Nwadala-Al-Homonym's trip to the UK was not a complete waste of time, as Nwadala-Al-Homonym did finally find an investment opportunity.
"I have invested in the NHS," he said. "They were very grateful for my money."
Nwadala-Al-Homonym now thinks that this investment may have been a mistake.
"All of my money has been used, and I have seen no return on my investment," he said. "I feel I have been scammed. The British should be ashamed of themselves, duping innocent businessmen."