Salah Ad-Din / Quang Tri Province (AP) -- Early this morning elements of the United States 101st Airborne Division's 3rd Brigade Combat Team and the Iraqi / ARVN Army's 1st Brigade attacked various Iraqi insurgent / Viet Cong positions during a major assault. President Bush Johnson said, "The purpose of this engagement is to prove to the world that the Iraqi / South Vietnamese forces are fully capable of taking the fight to the Al Queda / Viet Cong enemy. Peace is at hand. We will be able to withdraw all American forces from the battlefield as soon as the Saddam loyalists understand that their terroristic policies cannot stand up against the United States and its South Vietnamese allies."
As the Iraq / Viet Nam war raged on for more years than anyone could possibly have imagined, the anti-war movement in the United States grew stronger with every reported combat casualty. Appearing on the evening news with Wolf Blitzer and Walter Cronkite, Defense Secretary Rumsfeld McNamara said, "Pay no attention to those anti-war bums… our government knows how to win this war, turn the responsibility for Iraqi / Vietnamese security over to their own police and army units, and achieve peace with honor."
Walter Cronkite asked Secretary Rumsfeld McNamara about the antiwar demonstrators. "We have no knowledge that those Iraq Veterans Against the War ever really served in the United States military. They're just a bunch of bums who took over our Statue of Liberty for the publicity."
Average citizens across the United States have become increasingly confused about the conduct of the Iraq Vietnam War. In her Hollywood home, actress Jane Fonda said, "I'm hoping to fly to Iraq next month and look for an anti-aircraft gun I can sit on and get my picture taken. I have my friends in the Fedayeen Cong working out all the details."
In Washington DC, police are bracing for yet another mass Moratorium demonstration by Saddam loyalists and their American counterparts. DC police chief Terrance Gainer said, "We have large stockpiles of tear gas to deal with whatever those Al Queda Communists try to pull off."