Eltham, England - The World Snooker Championships got off to a rocky start on the lower southeast side of London this week. Hosted in Eltham at the New Old World Snooker Club on 233 Eltham High Street, murder seems to be the only name of the game so far.
Somchai Rocksukolthai of Thailand's great snooker heritage, was here to once again compete on the world stage, albeit the bush league of the world snooker tour. His girlfriend was found hanging in a stall in the woman's comode by a bungie cord around her neck. Ms Claire Vose was pronounced dead on the scene by police chief Stephen Lawrence. Somchai had only recently begun to associate with Ms Vose, quite unawares that she had been involved with Neil Acourt a plastique knife obsessed racist.
"It is difficult for me to explain my sorrow," said Somchai still holding the cue chalk in his hand, his tears turning it into a milky subtance and staining his hands terribly, "I was running the table as usual when I heard a scream and a loud "boing" sound..."
The "boing" sound presumably from the bungie cord around Ms Vose's formerly lovely neck. "This does not look like the normal handy work of Mr Acourt, but any of these blokes can be unpredictable," said Lawrence,"why the other day we had a serial killer not kill someone, just gave the misses a dozen roses. what the bloody hell is that? Can't pin a thing on him for giving blasted flowers!!!"
Officials at the tournament are now concerned that the mood of things is off and have postponed early rounds until police investigations conclude and until they can get some dry cue chalk. Seems Mr. Somchai's tears ruined the last piece. "Were hand to mouth in this part of the snooker world," said the barkeeper owner of Old World, Davy Jones, "Why we've even used baby powder in whiskey glasses afore this."
Police say they still have several suspects to interview, including the notorious Acourt brothers, who reportedly weren't keen on Vose dating Rocksukulthai, allegedly because of his Thai heritage.