East Africa - The charcoal grilled lamb-peddling terror outfit's commander has tested DNA positive as Lord Lucan's son, spawned during the fugitive peer's UK taxpayer-funded grand tour of Africa according to reports.
Vladimir Dim-Eatery Lucan Shish-Kofta fronts the string of innocuous-looking doner and shish takeaways straddling the Horn of Africa which were penetrated last week by a crack detachment of the UK's SAS Vegan Regiment.
The operation was a response to NATO condemnation of the seedy snakeaways as Al Qaeda's top recruiting tool 'in an area already redolent with relatives of Barack Obama'. (WTF this? 'Ed')
Undercover troops discovered a long-suspected paper trail at Shish-Kofta's Mogadishu HQ showing British Establishment largesse bankrolled the Irish peer's lavish lifestyle as well as that of his No 1 African bastard son.
The terror chief had apparently already fled to a CIA safe house to receive instructions on his role in blowing up the London 2012 Olympics later this year.
Much of the laundered millions that have supported this scam - as well as Lucan himself and his half dozen African bastard children - is suspected to originate in special Buckingham Palace accounts set up by Mrs Thatcher.
She famously screwed 'Lucky' Lucan and bore him a son whose sole claim to fame was a dastardly physical resemblance to Prince Andrew, Duke of Pork.
During the 1982 Falklands War the Prince took a fatal hit with the Argies' successful torpedoing of HMS Sheffield.
A canny Mrs T immediately ordered Admiral of the Fleet Lord West to slip in her Lucan doppelganger...and the rest is hystery as they say.
It's not know exactly how many gravytrain handouts have helped 'Prince Andrew' make his various African safari trips in his now former capacity as UK Representative for International Rough Trade.
Or - indeed - whether those visits include pow-wows with his African sibling Mr Shish-Kofta.
Only one certainty remains this weekend and that is the SAS Vegan Regiment's shutting down of most of Al Shabaab-Kebab's takeaway emporium after tests confirmed they were flogging substandard goat, snake and lizard meat instead of homely Horn of Africa ovine treats.
The terrorists may now regroup and diversify into new profitable markets such as health drinks geared to the Olympics market.
Kate Middleton is one daft cow.