Written by queen mudder
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Topics: astrology, Titanic

Tuesday, 6 March 2012

image for January 4th 1912 'Fool' Moon blamed for Titanic sinking
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North Atlantic - In an early example of global warming conspiracy theorists today blamed the January 1912 Cancer Fool Moon for the Titanic's maiden voyage tragedy.

The lunation sucked up a massive swell of tidal plankton and spawning lobster that quickly solidified into rock-hard ice before being dumped in the North Atlantic's freezing shipping lanes by a surging Spring tide.

"A giant sea squid may also have been in the frame," a glaciologist at the UK Marine Hystery Museum commented this afternoon as news of the ice-locked seafood mountain collision began to emerge.

"Factor in some horrendous astrological angles lurking in the Titanic's birth chart and there's your disaster," the Museum's Head of Signs & Portents added as revamped details of the 1912 prang spread across the internet.

The Titanic set sail just as a 90-degree angle between the 'impetuous' Aries Sun squared up with Neptune in the sign of Cancer - always a tricky start to adventure on the high seas.

The new findings have come about after traces of prawn cocktail and lobster fricassée showed up on memorabilia salvaged from the sunken ship.

The sweet and delicate lobster dish 'swimming in a rich, creamy champagne sauce' is of a staple favorite on cruise ships' menus but is not normally found swirling around overboard in such vast quantities 'unless mass passenger vomiting has occurred'.

A new Leonardo DiCaprio movie may now have to be made.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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