Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Sunday, 26 February 2012

image for Russians Resurrect 30,000 Year Old Cannabis Plant, Putin Smokes It
From Russia, With Love

Moscow, Russia-- Russian scientists have succeeded in bringing back to life a 30,000 year-old marijuana plant. The plant's seed was discovered in the pipe of a Neanderthal female in Siberia. Both had been quickly frozen during a massive blizzard. The Russian scientists say the resurrected cannabis plant is 'incredibly potent' and smells 'very nice.'

Anthropologists believe Neanderthals got stoned all the time, mainly for recreation, but also for religious purposes. The seed they discovered probably belonged to a Neanderthal medicine woman. The anthropologists believe that anyone smoking the ancient weed would be able to tell them much more about Neanderthal society and culture.

President Vladimir Putin has volunteered to smoke the potent pot.

"I am the only one manly enough to try it." declared the red-haired Russian ruler. Mr. Putin then went into his Kremlin office and took three hits of the wacky weed.

Nothing happened, at first. Then Mr. Putin stunned everyone by smiling for the first time in his life. He didn't say anything, but left his office, and headed for the nuclear missile office in the Kremlin.

Suddenly, the stoned Mr. Putin began pushing hundreds of red buttons, and launching hydrogen bombs to all the major cities around the world, instantly vaporizing billions of people.

"This is for exterminating us thousands of years ago, payback is a bitch!" he grunted in the Neanderthal language.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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