Written by David F Mayer
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Topics: School, Canada

Friday, 3 March 2006

image for Canadian Supreme Court Approves Automatic Weapons In High School Classes
Stupeology's Holy Amulet

Ottawa, Canada -- Just one day after the brilliant decision to permit Sikh high school students to carry razor-sharp daggers called "kirpans" in class, the High Court handed down another watershed decision.

A little-known religion called Stupeology filed a similar suit at about the same time as the kirpan suit and a decision was just handed down this morning. One of the tenets of Stupeology is that all adherents are required to carry loaded fully automatic weapons at all times.

This latest Canadian Supreme Court decision permits Stupeologists to carry their automatic weapons at all times, even in public buildings, schools, and airports. The decision affects all Stupeologists down to the age of 12.

The preferred weapons are the AK-47, however women and children are permitted to carry the lighter Ingram M-11.

The founder and leader of Stupeology, L Ron Huckster, hailed the Canadian Supreme Court decision as a great step forward for religious freedom. "It is time that Stupeology gets the respect that it deserves as the World's most modern religion. We don't waste our time with daggers when fully automatic weapons are out there for the asking."

Stupeology, founded only 8 years ago by Huckster, believes that the Earth is a battleground between two extraterrestrial intelligent species, the good people from the Planet Zorg and the evil Ughblech from the Planet Ugh. In order to assist the Zorgians when called upon, each Stupeologist must carry a fully automatic weapon and four full magazines of ammunition at all times.

Most Canadians were also very pleased at this decision. "It shows that Canada is tolerant of absolutely any crazy religion or cult, putting out the welcome mat for lunatics from around the World," Justice Louise Charron wrote in the decision. "We have no use for common sense here and we will go to any lengths to prove it."

Prime Minister Steven Harper commented, "Canada will remain at the forefront of tolerant democracies. We will tolerate absolutely anything whatsoever in order to prove our commitment to gross stupidity.

We are even opening an embassy for Al Qaeda so that these sincere militant Muslims are not denied proper recognition and respect that they deserve."

Yvette Delacroix, Chairwoman of the Canadian Parent-Teachers Association was stunned. She declared, "Holy Crackers! They are going to let kids in the public schools and idiots in the street carry machineguns. I am packing up and moving out of the country effective today."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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