Written by Mitchell Kramer
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Topics: Racism, winner

Sunday, 12 February 2012

CAPE TOWN, SOUTH AFRICA - Last Monday Mississippi resident Hank White was the guest of honor at the annual awards ceremony of the International Association of Supremacy. Not only did White win the distinguished award for the most racist commment, which for legal reasons may not be repeated in this newspaper, but he was also the victor of the coveted Jim Crow Cup.

Jasper Crow a direct descendant of the patron of this honor explains the difficulty in achieving such a feat. "Well, you pretty much have to hate just about everyone, 'cept the whites of course. You also have to prove that you went above and beyond any actions of groups such as the KKK, the aryan brotherhood, and any other group of minorities that thinks they got rights." At this point the interview had to pause to allow Crow to contain his excitement. "Anyways like I was sayin', after you beat out the rest of them racist groups your years work is put in front of three judges that decide a winner."

Fortunately, we were able to get a hold of one Judge that explains the process further. "Let me tell you son, it aint easy winning this award. This year there are several contenders of which contain Don Imus, Hank White, and Adolf Van Klauvershtain who is the face of neo-nazism today." He continues, "Myself and the other two gentlemen judges narrowed our picks down to the kraut and the redneck on this one and thats when things started heatin up!" Another brief pause was required here to allow the Judge's laughing at the thought of a female judge to cease. "Now as soon as we had them two narrowed down things started heating up. On the one hand Von Klauvershstain used his position as the premier real estate agent in Germany to create entirely segregated neighborhoods throughout the nation. Meanwhile White published his inciteful book on physically expressing racism "A Crossfire on Crossfires" and convinced his local government to reinstate several prejudicial laws that were banned before the civil war because they were "too unjust."

For his actions this year, Hank White is the official nominee and winner of the Jim Crow Cup and the official Most Racist Man Alive.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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