Written by Jack Getze
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Sunday, 5 February 2012

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ATHENS -- At a secret meeting outside the city last night, the so-called "troika" of the European Union, the European Central Bank, and the International Monetary Fund told Greek officials that, if they want a second round of bailout money, Greek workers will have to stick existing pensions "up their collective butt," according to a source in attendance.

Charles Dallara, chairman of the Institute for International Finance (IFF) and the chief negotiator representing Greece's bondholders, told reporters, "We are ready to take a 60% haircut in principal and a reduction in the interest rate. It's that crazy chick from Germany who says the Greeks have to raise the retirement age to 85."

A spokesman for German Chancellor Angela Merkel issued a denial: "Ms. Merkel said nothing of the sort, nor was she the cause of last night's breakdown in negotiations. All she asked for was another platter of gyros."

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