Written by A Lias
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Saturday, 25 February 2006

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The human equivalent, popular with those worldwide

The European Union (EU) have come up with a way to stop the distastrous pandemic of H5N1 - more commonly known to the public as bird flu. Their cunning plan to stop the crisis of bird flu spreading further than it already has. The idea is being backed by European officials all over Europe. Their genius idea? -- Lemsip Bird.

Acclaimed flu-relief medicine Lemsip have teamed up with the EU to produce Lemsip Bird - which makers claim is a "specially formulated mixture of bird-friendly chemicals to banish H5N1 germs from bird bodies".

Lemsip Bird was even co-developed with the RSPB, to ensure that no harm would come to the birds who used Lemsip Bird. The RSPB have put their stamp of approval on the product, which will be shipped out to all major chicken farmers this week.

Bird flu scares have halted the sale of turkeys, ducks, chickens, flamingos and custard dramatically. It seems the public are scared of contracting the fatal virus for some reason. However, the EU hope that Lemsip Bird will stop them worrying about dying horrible deaths.

The first animal to use Lemsip Bird is a French chicken. Mr A Vian, an ornithologist (bird expert) said: "The chicken has shown a slight health improvement since taking Lemsip Bird. He clucks more frequently, his eggs are rounder and he looks fitter."

However, concerns have arised that birds such as pigeons may not like being forced to have Lemsip Bird. This problem is to be resolved by slipping Lemsip Bird inside packets of crisps. This way, every pigeon will come into contact with Lemsip Bird.

But Sky-Care - a sort of Greenpeace for birds - are concerned about the ecological impacts of less flying birds. Chairman, Dr Bird, has posed the question "Who can even contemplate the ecological imbalance of bird flu? The effects mean no bird droppings splatted across windscreens - and this could severely damage an ecosystem carefully built up since the dawn of the automobile."

Some have speculated that Lemsip isn't trying to rid the world of the deadly bird flu H5N1 strain, but that they're really trying to make money.



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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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