In a surprise announcement at tonight's EU summit in Brussels Sir Jeremy Paxman - the popularly churlish BBC interrogator - has been appointed head of the Greek government.
Head of the EU Mme Christine Lagarde said Sir Jeremy was the ideal candidate for such a key position. "Sir Jeremy thrust his tongue so deeply into my vagina that I coughed out my tonsils. If there's no better reason than that for him to become the boss of this obscure outer region then I don't know what is."
Herr Angela Merkel - German Chancellor and chief EU financier - said she too had experienced Sir Jeremy's linguistic talents and even though she'd quite like Michael Scumacher to become head of Greece she wouldn't be adverse to Sir Jeremy doing the job so long as they could "negotiate" on a weekly basis.