Written by D Agnew
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Monday, 30 January 2012

image for Costa Concordia captain worried about fresh claims
Mysterious soviet beauty

The captain of the ill fated Russian spy ship the Costa Concordia (ogromnyi? korabl?) faces fresh allegations as divers find no evidence of any trapped Irish immigrants below decks.
The investigating authority said in a statement released yesterday that the lack of accordions and drums found in the hold seem to indicate that there were no Irish people left to drown below, a crime under the maritime act 1875. It was also alleged that the captain lost control while trying to impress a mysterious Soviet beauty by doing hand break turns and a bunny hop with the sixty thousand tonne ship.

Diners reported the Captain to be in fine spirits the evening of the accident.
"He had his usual chicken and mushroom pot noodle, and some rum" said the chief steward Dimitri olav a Somalian worker.

Just before the accident the Captain entertained the children with an impromptu puppet show followed by a small magic display and some indoor fireworks.
He was always mixing with the guests said another French worker Yakov Sergey "we would find him coming out of the ladies quarters with the doctors chloroform " he said

This is not the first time the Captain has been in trouble with the maritime authorities. During basic training in Italy he was charged with having sex with a mermaid, and his name was found in Mohamed Atta's personal diary one of the suicide pilots from the American block buster 9/11.

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