Violent cartoon riots erupted worldwide today, as thousands of cartoon characters waged violent protests decrying the way they've been caricatured by the media in comic books and newspapers around the globe.
The riots began when the world famous cartoon character, Bugs Bunny, recently noticed a cartoon depiction of himself walking into a large office building with a knapsack full of carrots. Wires are seen dangling from one of the carrots, when suddenly, bugs pulls a cord and blows himself up, together with everyone else in the building.
Enraged over the cartoon's depiction of himself, Bugs contacted fellow cartoon character Daffy Duck and complained to him about it. Daffy agreed that the cartoon's depiction of Bugs went way over the limit of accepted cartoon animation. He told the bunny that he himself had been maligned all his life by the comic book industry and depicted as a manic, explosive and neurotic duck, that was constantly at odds with the entire world.
Daffy reportedly told Bugs that it was time to take revenge on the media and the comic book industry.
In a conference call set up last week, in which thousands of comic book characters participated, many of the characters complained that not only have they been portrayed as villains, but, they've also been maliciously caricatured as a bunch of dimwitted and shallow minded knuckleheads. It was unanimously decided right then and there, to wage the most violent protests the 'real' world had ever seen.
Thousands of angry cartoon characters assembled today outside the Warner Brothers Studios, turning over cars and hurling burning tires through the windows of the building. Frightened employees fled the building as the once seemingly passive cartoon characters came to life and destroyed everything in sight.
Casper The Friendly Ghost, usually known for his friendly and kind demeanor, reportedly turned into a terrifying goblin and a mean spirited bogeyman, as he led a massive and violent protest at the Harvey Comics office complex, breaking hundreds of cartoon busts and destroying dozens of cartoon text-bubbles.
Sources say that after several hours, the violence had actually started to subside, but, Brutus, the famous arch-enemy of Popeye The Sailor Man, came down with several other villains, and incited the crowd once again, causing the violence to erupt all over again.
Popeye told the New York Times today that while he himself had always been depicted unfairly by cartoonists as a dimwitted sailor man, he was still opposed to the violent protests, however, he said, there was nothing he could do to stop the violence.
Popeye's long time girlfriend, Olive Oyl, told Cartoon Life Magazine, that not even the shear strength of her spinach-eating boyfriend was powerful enough to stop the violent crowds.
"There's only so much spinach Popeye can eat, and no matter how many cans of spinach he eats, he could never fend off thousands upon thousands of these violent chimerical cartoon characters."
However, some of the media news outlets are reporting that several Superheroes, including Spider-Man, Batman and the Hulk did actually try to halt the violence, but, their heroic efforts reportedly ended in vain.
Apparently, Spider-Man's web was no match for the giant crowd of protesters that assembled outside the 'Cartoon Network' office building this morning.
The massive crowd of protesters broke through Spider-Man's web with ease as he tried to block them from entering the building.
The crowd then went inside the building, poured gasoline everywhere, and set the building ablaze. The building, engulfed in flames, came tumbling down - and according to unconfirmed reports, the Powerful superhero known as 'The Hulk', was found dead underneath the rubble.
When the 'Cape Crusader', otherwise known as Batman, drove up to the scene a while later and yelled to the animated crowd to stop the violence, they jumped on top of his Bat-Mobile and pulled him out of the vehicle, handing him over to the Penguin, a notorious Gotham City mobster, who according to the latest reports is holding Batman captive in an undisclosed bird sanctuary.
The television networks are also reporting that the Penguin has threatened to behead Batman unless Gotham City's Commissioner Gordon withdraws his entire police dept. from the City. Consequently, Batman's longtime partner, 'The Boy Wonder', issued a televised plea to the Penguin to spare Batman's life and let him return home to his cave and colony of bats.
According to Mr. Dick Tracy, head detective at the Marvel Comics Police Department, the Penguin is part of an 'umbrella' terrorist organization with links to al Qaeda.
"The terrorists are fueling these riots," Tracy said. "Al Qaeda is starting to become more sophisticated, using animated cartoon characters to further their cause." Mr. Tracy refused to elaborate any further on the on-going investigation, but he emphasized that the Penguin's connection with al Qaeda, makes it much less likely that Batman will ever be found alive.
Meanwhile, President Bush issued a statement today on the cartoon riots in which he said that "we wholly reject violence as a way for fictitious characters to express their imaginary discontent with what may be printed in a free press."
At the same time, Mr. Bush admonished the comic industry and said that "with freedom of the press, comes the responsibility to be thoughtful to the feelings of colorful cartoon characters, even the villains - and the Penguin too."