Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 20 January 2012

image for Year of the Water Dragon: Chinese to buy Loch Ness Monster
Yuan-class Chinese sub will now trawl the depths of Loch Ness

Scotland - Chinese Sovereign Fund coffers splashed out a reported $5 billion today on the legendary Scottish beastie just after acquiring a $1 billion 8.8% stake in Thames Water.

Superstition-mad Beijing bankers took the view that an incredibly auspicious Year of the Water Dragon - that starts with Tuesday's Aquarius new moon - will see the value of their investment double in a year.

Quite how they'll ever enforce ownership of Nessie remains to be seen although the Scottish Parliament rumor mill reckons Alex Salmond will now give permission for a Chinese Yuan-class submarine to trawl the depths of Loch Ness.

It's thought that once caught Nessie will be towed all the way back to Beijing where he/she will become a huge tourist attraction.

The purchase price will no doubt refurbish the shabby chic office quarters of Members of the Scottish Parliament who have had to slum it in precarious conditions ever since the new building opened in 2004.

Carpet Burns Night is on Wednesday 25th.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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