Written by Backandtotheleft
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Thursday, 12 January 2012

A young fisherman in Bolivia committed suicide in the most awesome distressing way yesterday. He took his trusty two man boat (the SS Clinically Depressed) out onto a stretch of river that was known locally as "Wie sobberus do solim goeous" which roughly translates into "Don't go near that fucking place".

The reason for the cryptic warning? The stretch of river was teeming with hundreds of thousands of piranhas all just gagging to devour any luckless individuals who dipped their toes in the water. The piranha along with industrial pollution has often being considered as the fisherman's natural enemy.

The young man (whose name we have forgotten) rowed out to the middle of the river, took off his shoes and leapt into the water. We at Back and to the Left news hope he was screaming "Let's be having you then fish!" but this was unconfirmed at the time of going to press.

The fisherman was stripped down to his bones within five minutes as it turned out the piranhas were very hungry indeed. Our thoughts and best wishes go out to the young man's family who might be consoled by the fact their son has earned the Back and to the Left "Fuck You Life Award". Only given out to those of us who seriously don't give a fuck about life anymore.

May he rest in peace. Actually may he rest in several hundred pieces in the bellies of the piranhas he loved so much.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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