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Topics: Iraq, Lottery

Tuesday, 4 November 2003

image for Iraq Triumphant in Recent Lottery Hoedown
The Iraq lottery independent adjudicator

Reports are coming in from Iraq about a recent Hoedown in the lead up to the country's new national Lottery. The show is to be televised on Iraqi TV and will be hosted by the former (mis)information minister 'Comical Ali' (Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf). The show is believed to sport some scantily clad Iraq women, which has caused some furore from womens-libbers.

Joining the IWSF (Iraq Woman's Suppression Front) in demonstrating opposite the hoedowners are a crack battalion of American troops. The 'Bush Jnr Boys', as the 69th Battalion are affectionately known, are protesting the use 'these multeye .. mutleye cyl-abull .... words being used by them there new fangled dancing lot'. Tension is said to be growing between the two groups.

However, most of the Iraqi men we've interviewed dismiss the opposition forces. One Iraqi man told us, "I am thinking that this will be even better than American Bandstand or Saturday Night Fever. We are hoping to be able to win a dance with a beautiful bikini baby or maybe some farmer's daughter. YEEHAWWWWW!"

The (mis)information minister and host 'Comical Ali' assures the Iraqi people that, "regardless of the cultural conflict the new Lottery Hoedown has brought to the war torn nation, the Iraqi people will find the Hoedown a great spectacle and a wonderful diversion from the daily nothingness that most Iraqi's experience."

Country-wide celebrations are expected to ensue with street parties, rifle shooting and firework displays. UN weapons inspectors expect the Iraqis will detonate all their hidden WMD in the celebrating, which should prove once and for all that the weapons were there

The lottery jackpot is said to be an estimated $25,000 which isn't spectacular but in Iraq it will buy you enough munitions to kill half the population of a big city. Or enough donkeys to start a lucrative farming business. Or enough girls to start a... Well, the winner can spend it on whatever they want.


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