Written by queen mudder
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 10 January 2012

image for Challenging French rural eco plumbing freaks out pilgrims to Bugarach apocalypse site
Holed up on the cosmic pathway to the apocalyptic 2012 French mountain site

Aude, France - A camper van convoy heading south to the apocalyptic 2012 town of Bugarach is threatening to sue UK tour operators HippyWheels amid a gruelling three day experience of local extreme plumbing.

Treacherous wintry conditions saw the close-down of all tourist facilities sending 40 Yuletide travellers packed inside five souped-up Airstreams into unchartered rural territory.

The pilgrimage was to have arrived in the Bugarach UFO mothership base on Russian Christmas Day 7 January in preparation for the first of the year's full moon ceremonies.

But it ended up holed up in a dilapidated former campsite just south of Rennes-Les-Bains on the D14.

A fiendish configuration of mountains and dense forestry sees the ancient beauty spot untrammeled by wi-fi, cell phone signals or any form of organised electricity - something that the HippyWheels Winter 2011-12 catalogue failed to point out in its blurb.

Then late this evening a faint signal via a combination of carrier pigeon, morse code, semaphore and G-1 managed to transmit an SOS from stranded travelers to the Pyrenean mountain site.

Their plight chiefly concerns primitive conditions after onboard portaloos all froze up and/or caved in under unrelenting pressure during the stranding.

A diary entry retrieved from traveling tour guide Miss Sky Lotusblossom advises that 'at zero degrees on an ass-freezing January night the (only) open plan outdoor composting lav enjoys a panoramic 360-degree view of surrounding countryside and is the most sophisticated sanitation facility for 30 miles.'

Bugarach has become the epicenter of a worldwide apocalyptic movement claiming special sanctuary for all who shelter within a one mile radius of its extraordinary peak.

Last year its Mayor Jean-Pierre Delord threatened to call in the army if the influx of wacky-baccy Mayan 2012 apocalypse travelers continued to swamp the town's otherwise peaceful life.

Tales of how the late French President Fran├žois Mitterrand had once been curiously 'heliported' on to the Bugarach outcrop's peak, of some mystery digs conducted by the Nazis and later Mossad have all culminated in creating the world's biggest magnet for Armageddon nutz.

The next scheduled UFO flypast near the Arc de Triomphe is this Friday the 13th of January.

Make queen mudder's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 multiplied by 4?

6 4 17 8
64 readers are online right now!

Go to top