A controversial report has been released by the Party Responsible for Engineering Propaganda about Universal Carbon Emissions (PREPUCE). The report suggests that a nuclear war would significantly reduce the world's carbon footprint.
The shadowy organisation has been known to the authorities for a while, and has been declared illegal in the US. They are openly anti-human, and idolise Genghis Khan, Hitler, Stalin and other world leaders responsible for mass genocides. In the mission statement of PREPUCE, it declares that the most important thing in the world is reducing carbon emissions and that, because the main cause of carbon emissions is people then destroying people is a good thing.
The report explains that a nuclear bomb actually produces a surprisingly small amount of carbon dioxide, although it does produce significant amounts of radiation and can be quite dangerous. However, if dropped on a large city, then the reduction in potential future carbon emissions would be enormous.
Green groups have seized on the results as evidence that their long-standing anti-nuclear stance may have been wrong. Green Party spokesman Sally Rainbow said, "We should be trying to piss off the Chinese. Let's have a nuclear war. Then maybe we can reduce the world population. The world will only be happy when there are no people on it at all."