REUTERS (AP) - Bank of Baghdad announced that Al Qaeda has filed for Chapter 11 Islamic bankruptcy protection. Bin Laden has apparently "run out of funds" and, unable, as of yet to successfully launch a post 911 attack on the United States personally signed the request for Chapter 11 protection in his own blood. Or Heinz ketchup, U.S. Marines are not yet sure without further analysis and/or a taste test.
President Bush commented,
"I filed Chapter 11 once back when that Texas Rangers ball team dad gave me to manage back in 89 went blue whale belly-up so .. I know Al Qaeda, Bin Laden MUST be hurt'n for cash to file Chapter 11. As you see NOW though, as your President, I'm OUT of Chapter 11 .. tryin to get you my fellow Americans out of Chapter 11 too. If you vote Republican this fall in your congressional elections."
Bank of Baghdad's vice president Abdul Assad spoke with CNN reporters explaining Iraq's Chapter 11 policies saying,
"When a Mosque or goat salesman or be-header of infidels or camel jockey or car bomb factory files for bankruptcy protection in Iraq we immediately free them of all debts in exchange for them signing a certificate.
CNN Reporters asked the VP,
"What kind of certificate?"
to which the Bank of Baghdad VP replied,
"A certificate for their soul and all life essence endowed by Allah. Until they are able to repay all existing debts including 11.9% interest compounded hourly by Bank of Baghdad, their souls, their very lives belong to Bank of Baghdad."
The VP went on to explain that this was not as horrendous as it may seem since the Bank has not beheaded any delinquent Chapter 11 client in over 4 days for non-payment of hourly interest.
Al Qaeda, Bin Laden in particular, former multi-billionaire, destroyer of America and all Coalition forces for now must deal with Bank of Baghdad because Al Qaeda, through uncontrolled spending via way too many economically unfeasible car bombings, WTC attacks, Embassy bombings, etc have, for the moment bankrupted the organization, forcing it into Islamic Chapter 11. Bank of Baghdad says however,
"It's Al Qaeda though. Dear to our hearts. We shall cut them a deal seeing as how they wish to be with Allah and the 76 virgins as does the Bank of Baghdad. We will not slay them until their accumulated computed interest debt reaches $23,000 U.S. you have our word."
Osama Bin Laden was, as always, unavailable for comment.