Written by P.M. Wortham
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Wednesday, 21 December 2011

image for North Pole Opens Luxury Casino
The Crystal Igloo, made from North Pole Ice

Nicknamed the Crystal Igloo, the 50,000 square foot facility with adjoining luxury hotel has opened its doors just in time for the holidays. Planned as an extreme getaway destination for wealthy jetsetters, the casino will also appeal to employees of the North Pole workshops and reindeer stables.

Owned and operated by the Arctic Inuit Eskimo tribe, the state of the art facility boasts the most generous payout percentages for all its slots, and friendly dealers at every gaming table. Early feedback about the facility has been overwhelmingly positive, except for one notable exception in St. Nick.

"I see the benefit of offering some different entertainment options to our elfin staff, but not during our busy season!" said the jolly old elf. With only days left before Christmas Eve, several township leaders were concerned about finishing Santa's toy orders on time.

"Some of the elves have already been caught cashing in magic dust and reindeer kibble for house chips", commented North Pole Police Chief, Baxter Elf.in-Goodness. "Clearly a theft from Santa's private assets".

One elf who preferred to remain nameless replied, "Hey man. Like we work 364 days a year without a break, for free yet, and this is our chance to play a little, you know? So you take a little magic dust in order to have a little fun, so what".

Casino owners tried to soften the situation, recognizing that the elves are a feature of the casino, and add to the ambiance of the facility. "Where else can a wealthy couple enjoy a little Blackjack, or Hi-Low Poker with a real elf sitting across from them", said co-owner Melvin Sealtest.

"HEY, was that a short joke?" demanded our same interviewed elf, who then started to kick over patrons drinks on the table. Sealtest motioned for the security guards and declared, "Shut the elf up and get the elf out of here".

Getaway weekend vacation packages start at $1795, but the drinks are guaranteed to be cold.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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