BBC news has disclosed that Prime Minister Tony Blair has received a 'Greetings' letter from the Ministry of Defence, announcing that he has been drafted into the military of her majesty's service, and must report to begin a nine month tour of duty in Iraq within the next seventy-two hours. While it has taken close to three years to bring the Iraqi army up to speed - with the grim prospect of an additional three years of training - Private 4th class Tony Blair will make the same boot camp training transition in six weeks; after which Mr. Blair will be off for Iraq. No tooth brush necessary.
At first glance, the Prime Minister chuckled, believing the form letter was an early April fool's day joke, until a telephone call to the Ministry of Defence assured him of the letter's validity. Minister of Defense, John Reid, explained that there appeared to have been a total computer crash glitch, virus, hacking, interference allowing spam intercourse with the planet's matrix which produced the notice that drafted Tony Blair of Number 10 Downing street into the military; and though an automatic virus computer broom was introduced to the system in an attempt to correct the situation, the draft letter could not be deleted. Adding, "You're in the army now."
Admitting that Iraq was a great place for a photo op, particularly at election time, with a fast zip jet straight out, Blair argued he didn't intend to spend nine months in the military; insisting he'd rather be pregnant and living in Brixton. (Brad Pitt immediately emailed, suggesting that could be arranged) "People get killed in Iraq. All I wanted to do was introduce Democracy into the Middle East and Democracy is producing one theocratic state after the next. Countries are falling like the old Domino game used to forecast a Communist take over after Vietnam." Then he speculated to himself, Gordon Brown had to someway be behind his draft letter.
"Doesn't matter. You're still in the army."
Far away in the United States, a third form of Dominos, still smoldering in the petri dish, is breathing a new life form. By an amazing and almost diabolical coincidence, never noticed before Tony Blair was drafted into the military, President George Bush has abandoned his usual mindless West Coast/East Coast swagger, and started walking with a pronounced limp; Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld now habitually cups a hand over one ear while speaking to others; Secretary of State Condeleezza Rice announced that she is pregnant; while Vice President Dick Cheney has taken to wearing black sunglasses and walking with two white canes.