Liege - Federalist nutz are the top suspects behind a hand grenade attack in the Belgian town of Liege.
Guns were fired amid a series of explosions outside a bus stop in the town's main square Place Saint Lambert.
The landmark location is named after the seventh century Bishop of Maastricht whose dodgy dogma eventually triggered the much reviled EU Maastricht Treaty.
A Belgian hysterian said today all this is highly significant because Bishop Lambert himself was murdered close by in a Gallo-Roman villa on his family estate.
"Lambert was stabbed in the back by disillusioned Dark Ages federalists," Professor Coco Moules-Frites commented.
"Highly significant as omens go in the current Eurozone treaty debacle, eh?"
And in a highly unusual twist Belgian authorities have released a statement noting St Lambert was an in-law of hereditary Belgian mayors who controlled the Merovingian kings of Austrasia.
The sacred regal bloodline is suspected of countless dastardly massacres during its protection racket wars promoting Messianic DNA.
Miriam Clegg is 69.