Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 8 December 2011

image for Kaiser Willhelm's khazi in sunken throne room on Baltic bottom
Monogrammed rolls of regal butt-wipe still intact in the ship's hold

Baltic Sea - Historians hailed today the Holy Grail of latrine mythology as divers recovered the last German Emperor's porta-potty from the wreckage of the Udine.

The light cruiser was sunk by the Brits in 1915 and took with it secrets of the Kaiser's fabled gold-plated sh***er.

A matching bidet, urinal, handbasin and seat warmer are also said to be in the wreck which is being salvaged for posterity.

Pictures of matching sanitaryware show it was plumbed for direct sea disposal except in times of turbulent marine storms.

"You didn't want the post-digestion remains of the previous night's state banquet washing up all over the deck," salvage expert Gunther Roxs explained to reporters, "slap bang in the middle of a Roaring Forties attack."

The innovative plumbing may have been copied from similar scheme aboard Queen Victoria's royal yacht Alberta installed by the Prince Consort following several seafaring bedpan mishaps.

Salvage operators hope to raise the porcelain throne from the seabed bottom 'at their convenience' some time later this week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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