Horrified civic fathers at an Irish seaside resort are urging their townsfolk to start getting it on.
The population of Kilkee, County Clare, has apparently seen a 'catastrophic' fall of 301 to 1,024 since the 2006 census.
Local councillors fear that the town will be officially downgraded to a village if the population decline continues to less than 1,000, so they have formed a 'steering committee' to address the problem.
"Ah, to be sure, it has been a fearful lack of the shagging, so it has," said the stereotypically-brogued spokesman we managed to contact. "People simply aren't doing the necessary in the bedroom, if you follow me, and we can't understand why.
"So we have formed the committee to steer the population upwards. They're all virile, committed and willing young men who will be visiting the local Colleens to put the matter to bed, as it were, an' all.
"And hopefully their fine example will encourage the other townsfolk to get at it.
"You'll have to excuse me, I'm off to perform some civic duties of me own now, so I am."