Germany and France have struck a grand bargain that they hope will save the euro, burying their differences over a rigorous new regime to drive down eurozone debt and restore market confidence in the battered single currency. At talks in Paris viewed as a last chance to prevent the collapse of the currency, triggering a new western recession, the German chancellor, Angela Merkel, and the French president, Nicolas Sarkozy, agreed to marry.
"Well, this sort of thing worked well with kings and queens during medieval times to form bonds and alliances between countries and ensure stability; so we have to give it a go now", said a spokesman for the French government.
President Sarkozy said today, "Of course, I will have to divorce Carla Bruni first; but, lets be honest she was a trophy bride. I need a proper wife that can cook and do things other than just look good. I need a wife that can save the euro and bond us all together!"
The Franco-German couple called for the marriage to take place as soon as possible to facilitate the new eurozone deal, but both agreed that if this ran into insuperable resistance, for example, non-consummation of the marriage the 17 countries of the eurozone would themselves forge a new euro pact. "The French President said, "It will be a tough job but a copy of Razzle magazine should do the trick".
The announcement in Paris brought instant relief [sic] for the beleaguered euro. The cost of borrowing for Italy fell by half a percentage point and was almost two points down on 10 days ago, while the stock markets rallied with Pfizer's Viagra shares soaring.