US Researchers have reportedly discovered what makes the Bird Flu influenza virus so deadly -- they have a gene that may make them especially destructive to cells.
Yes, apparently, Gene Wilder is embedded in the actual Bird Flu itself. What happens is, people get the Asian Bird Flu, out pops Gene Wilder and he starts telling jokes to your immune system. The subsequent laughing causes the white cells to laugh and drink beers all night, allowing the flu to take over and dominate the war.
Scientists call it, the Gene Pool.
When reached for comment, French president Jacques Chirac said, "What cells? Jail cells? Because I haven't seen any sign of this ‘Bird Flu.' No surprise it's Gene Wilder - because where has he gone?"
"Seriously though, the Bird Flu is not to be taken lightly. I mean, who wants to walk around in a world where you're walking to work and the birds ask YOU for a kleenex, instead of the other way around! Can you imagine?..."Uh, excuse me...BIRD...can I have a Kleenex?" Talk about role reversal!"
Chirac continued, "I have a solution for the Asian Bird Flu: decrease the value of the Yen. Have you seen that thing? It's higher than Paulie Shore at a popular aternative rock concert!"
Chirac said in closing, "the Asian Bird Flu should just go away. We don't want you! You're like an in-law coming over for the holidays. And, if you're reading this right now, make like a Bald Eagle and get outta HAIR. (unless of course the Bald Eagle doesn't have the bird flu)."
Gene Wilder wasn't available for comment, but he reportedly is NOT happy about it. Google is trying to buy him and put him in the Internet.
President Bush was unavailable for comment as well, as he was on vacation on his ranch in Texas for the 5th straight month. Upon his return, Bush said he will look into the pandemic and think about building a wall around the United States to keep out the "Terrorerroristas and Asian Bird Flutes." When told it was a "flu and not a "flute," Bush said "Yeah. I said Flu. What do you mean? I haven't seen a flute since Brokeback Mountain!"