Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Wednesday, 23 November 2011

image for EC's Latest Water Declaration - It's Good For You!
Not wet - but good for you!

Following last week's decision that water does not prevent dehydration, EC mandarins now reckon it's good for you!

Adam's ale has been at the forefront of the European Food Standards Authority's (EFSA) minds lately.

They were roundly ridiculed last week when they informed bottled water manufacturers that they could not suggest water would help to rehydrate the consumer.

Now after further tests they have decided that there is sufficient evidence to prove that H2O can help regulate the body's temperature and help it to carry out normal and cognitive functions.

"Yeah, that's right," said and EFSA boffin yesterday. "We carried out exhaustive tests and reached the inescapable conclusion that water is probably good for you.

"We deprived several subjects - well some Hounslow University media studies undergrads, actually - of water for several weeks. They came over all sluggish after a while. Then they seemed to stop functioning altogether.

"They're still in the lab now, lying there, not doing anything and beginning to smell a bit. While it's difficult to distinguish their current condition from their previous state, we're pretty sure it's down to the lack of water. Control subjects who drank all the water they wanted seem to be OK."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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