The Vatican has just issued a bulletin destined to go down in history. Pope Benedict XVI has announced that he saw Jesus Christ last night "while gazing at the Universe." He has photographic proof and "can't wait to share it with all Humanity."
The pope went to the Vatican Observatory last night, mainly out of boredom. He went with a few cardinals and nuns, a few bottles of wine and a bag of weed. What happened next shocked everyone.
"I pointed the telescope towards the extreme southeast and saw Jesus! He was standing on a mountaintop with His arms stretched out!" said the excited pope
The pope said he burst into tears at the incredible sight, and shared his sighting with the cardinals and nuns. Everyone hugged each other and cried with joy. Then everyone drank some wine and smoked weed and danced and sang and had sex with each other.
Only Pope Benedict was sober enough to take a photograph of the fantastic sight. The pope stood on his papal balcony and showed the world his remarkable find.
"This is proof of God!" said the teary-eyed pope. "This will change everything!" he boasted.
Suddenly, the telephone rang. It was the president of Brazil, Dilma Rousseff, and she wanted to speak with the pope.
"Your Excellency. Your photo is of Jesus, but it's the famous statue of Jesus overlooking Rio de Janeiro. You've made a mistake!" said Ms. Rousseff.
The Vatican telescope is very, very strong. It turns out the pope was looking at Brazil last night, and not Outer Space.
Pope Benedict looked at the photo again, and then tore it up in anger.
"Oh well." he said. "At least the wine and weed were good last night."