Written by queen mudder

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Tuesday, 15 November 2011

image for Rare yellow diamond 'is a fake'
Tarted-up fake or the real thing?

Geneva - A plot to flog off a 'rare yellow diamond' has gone pear-shaped Interpol sources said today.

Brilliant refraction by the 110.3 carat 'Sun Dance Squid' - said to resemble an octopus' testicles, er...tentacles! - makes the stone worth an estimated $15million.

But gemmology experts have warned 'it could be an impostor' in the shape of the notorious Custard Tart Star, a home-baked fraud cooked up in a Chinese pet crematorium that turns deceased canaries' ashes into high class bling.

"Plenty of bereaved people are turning pets and loved ones into precious gems," a spokesperson for RIP farmyard poultry gem specialists Rocks-From-Cocks commented this afternoon.

The process takes approximately 12 stone (168lbs) of human flesh to create just one carat of diamond which is then irradiated to produce a flawless finish.

Tonight's star exhibit may have been fashioned from several tonnes of dead animal remains - including a Killer Whale - 'or the human equivalent of Ann Widdecombe', a fraud-watch website warned sale punters.

Bidding is expected to start around five million squid.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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