Silvio Berlusconi, the disgraced former Prime Minister of Italy, recently supplanted by Mario Monti, has quit politics altogether and been granted a Playboy Franchise by Hugh Hefner.
"Silvio is an ideal person to run the Italian Playboy Franchise," Hefner said. "Some of the antics he got up to while in power had me reaching for the phone to congratulate him. He's come up with outrageous stunts I could never have dreamed of. What a guy."
Berlusconi's lifestyle is said to have contributed to the excessive deficit Italy has racked up while under the Euro. According to leaked reports, he spent over a million Euros in one massive weekend on hookers, boats and booze; and yet drank nothing, spent his time in landlocked Rome and only ever spoke to the ladies of the night in an encouraging manner to help get them off the game.
Gambe Di Varicate, one of the prostitutes Berlusconi had a heart-to-heart chat with at fifteen thousand Euros an hour, was glowing in her praise of the former Italian PM.
"Mr Berlusconi is a true gentleman," she said. "He hired me for two days, and paid me fifty times what I can normally charge. We had a good long chat about how the money would help get me off the streets and into a more comfortable life. It was so sweet that I ended up screwing his brains out for five hours to say thank you. Now he's got this new job and he's invited me to work for him again. He's so thoughtful."
Vino Verdi, Italy's leading wine manufacturer was initially worried at the loss of Berlusconi as Prime Minister.
"We saw the news about Mario Monti," said Cass Arosso, CEO of Veno Verdi, "and we thought 'there go our profits for 2011'. However, Silvio has made us the Playboy Italia preferred wine supplier. Now we're laughing. What a guy."
Berlusconi was unavailable for comment, as he was trying on dressing gowns.