Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: Iran, Ford

Sunday, 22 January 2006

image for Bush, CNN, Rumsfeld and Pepsi prepare for "Shock and Awe 2.0"

CNN signed an exclusive deal with the Department of Defense giving CNN sole rights to broadcast the upcoming U.S. invasion of Iran tentatively named, "Shock and Awe 2.0". Sponsored so far by Pepsi Cola, KFC, Huggies and Ford (where quantity is job one) THIS war, CNN promises, will make the original "Shock and Awe" series look like Pooh Bear gone bonkers on a blustery day.

"More cameras, MORE coverage, MORE in-depth battlefield analysis" CNN says, promising to fully embed Soledad O'Brien AND Robin Meade within some lucky Marine battalion. President Bush said that he was at first reluctant to create a prime-time series chronicling his upcoming Iranian invasion but after consulting with Condi, Jesus, Laura and his dog Barney he decided to just "roll with it".

Donald Rumsfeld, executive producer of Shock and Awe 2.0 told reporters,

"We haven't nailed down the pilot episode just yet but I'm leaning towards an initial barrage of 5000 sea launched Cruise missiles taking out most of the major skyscrapers in Tehran. President Bush likes the 'Nuke-em-right-off' plot-line but I'd like to postpone that one until at least the 4th episode when we've got some market share."

CBS News has already filed an injunction claiming that they too should be allowed to cover the upcoming war. One CBS executive said,

"CNN cannot stop us from embedding our own reporters. Dan Rather has already volunteered to ride on top of a tank and tell us stuff when the U.S. Marines finally parade victoriously into downtown Tehran."

CNN denies rumors that some it's footage will be digitally enhanced by George Luca's Industrial Light and Magic special effects company. CNN says,

"We think there'll be enough REAL blood, guts, carnage and gore in Shock and Awe 2.0 to satisfy even the blood-thirstiest members of our CNN viewing audience without the need for Lucas to throw in a few computer generated mushroom clouds. And, with U2 scoring the soundtracks this REAL war should rock!"

When asked what would happen if Iran responded by nuking Israel, one CNN programming executive said,

"Not to worry. We'll have over 1000 cameras, 2 orbiting satellites, over a dozen reporters and multiple correspondents in and above Jerusalem too. If that place goes BOOM you'll see it first on CNN."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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