Written by Felix Minderbinder
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Topics: Washington, Iran

Saturday, 21 January 2006

image for George Bush Wants War Against Iran "Just For the Heck Of It"
Bush slums with editors

WASHINGTON (Reuters)-President George Bush has whimsically told a group of newspaper editors that he wants to wage war against Iran "just for the heck of it." Bush dressed informally in a wig and sweater to disguise his appearance at the busy news office.

"Jeepers, guys, I think we need another war, don't you? Another war would also keep the American economy chugging along," he told senior editors at the Washington Post newspaper. "With our housing industry collapsing, we've got to do something fast to compensate." The newspaper men who have been watching their house prices depreciate lately readily agreed with Bush.

POTUS continued, "So why not Iran this time?" Bush asked. "We can grab Iran's oil too while we're at it for Exxon Mobil and Chevron Texaco just like we did after our illegal war against Iraq. The Iraq war isn't going too well anyway and we're just not wringing enough oil from them. We still use oil like pigs at a trough. But we can also prevent Iran from opening its ‘Oil Bourse' in a few weeks which would sell its oil in Euros and will likely cause a collapse of the US dollar. Iraq had started to sell its oil in Euros too, but we sure stopped that in a hurry with the war."

The editors agreed that these points were quite sensible.

"Besides, I just feel like attacking another Islamic country," Bush sighed. "Those wars are fun anyway, and me and my Republican cronies like Dick Cheney also get rich from them, along with Halliburton and other fine American corporations."

Bush went on to admit that Iran doesn't pose any threat to world peace since it isn't anywhere near getting an atomic bomb, just as Iraq wasn't.

"Iran just wants to centrifuge uranium to provide fuel for its peaceful nuclear reactor," he acknowledged. "They simply don't have the thousands of high speed centrifuges like we have in order to upgrade uranium into nuclear weapons-grade uranium. A lot of idiot writers are serving up a lot of anti-Iran hysteria in the media saying that Iran is about to build nuclear bombs like Israel has, but everyone in the intelligence community knows that's nonsense."

The editorial meeting showed Bush at his most engaging and convincing persona. He also warned that the US government was about to reach its $8.1 trillion dollar debt limit and default on its debt since new loans from foreign countries have dried up, he informed the pencil pushers. "A new war would help our borrowing," he said.

Bush finally began jumping up and down and shouting," War! Oil! War! Oil!" and he was promptly joined by the Washington Post editors who joyously also started screaming for war against Iran. "Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!" they ended up shrieking.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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