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Wednesday, 9 November 2011

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La Cosa Nostra, a Sicilian based business organisation have offered to step in to prevent Italy from slumping into financial meltdown.

It is widely believed that the Mafia have offered the mother country a bailout package that the troubled nation simply can't afford to refuse.

"Berlusconi must go," Consiglieri Roberto Duvalli told reporters at the gates of Godfather Sylvester Del Muerto's Long Island mansion. "La familia have discussed this and we're ready to hit the mattresses in support of our spiritual home. Thing is, we'll insist that in future, we'll do the bunga bunga parties. We're better at that than that Milanese dwarf. Il Cavalieri my ass."

The Italian government are said to be 'seriously considering' the proposed mafia bail out, but some politicians appear concerned about extortionate interest rates and potential mob 'whacks.'

"I'm not at all sure about all this," Porn star politician Ilona Staller - better known as La Cicciolina (Cuddles) told reporters. "We certainly need a resolution to this problem, but if it involves squalid apartments, hand held video cameras and horny alsatian dogs they can fucking count me out. I'll go back to Hungary."

A mafia spokesman then interjected that the whole bailout package is just business.

Four out of five Italians can't spell 'Colosseum' correctly, and over 90% don't care about stray cats.

0.2% end up dead in car boots wondering what the hell they ever did wrong.

AC Milan continue to be a force in world football.

Roman Abramovich was unavailable for comment.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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