Harvard archeologist, Freddy Digs, unearthed a perfectly preserved series of Egyptian clay tablets during an excavation in Egypt's Valley of the Kings and promptly used a set of whetstones and various grades of sandpaper to get rid of all the Hieroglyphics and other images on them.
Digs simply stated that the tablets contained rudimentary art work that his third grade son could master in a week.
"Honestly, there was no imagination whatsoever put into making these tablets. They all contained pictures of stuff like weird eyes and birds and scorpions and people wearing skirts, donning Halloween masks and carrying staffs. They seemed to be instructions on how to build pyramids, but, hey what is so hard about doing that? Geez, the instructions that came with my kid's Lego set are better written than these. Damn, they aren't even written in English. What's that all about?"
"I found six square ones that were in perfect condition, so I grinded and sanded them down to make a set of sitting bookshelves. The laminated pine looks really good on top of the smooth clay tablets. All the previous ones were broken or had a lot of dings in them. I took all of those and smashed them up and used them in a rock garden in my back yard".
When asked about other discoveries that he had uncovered, Diggs scratched his chin for a moment before answering:
"Well, I did come across a cave in England which had a really old hermit dressed in really weird armor who told me that he was guarding this cup that he referred to as the Holy Grail, which in my opinion, didn't look very holy. He said he hadn't been able to relieve himself for over 800 years and asked me to guard the thing while he went to do his business. The guy didn't get a hundred yards from the cave when he was picked up by the local police who took him to a mental hospital. I took the cup home, but, believe me, it wasn't anything special. It even had a chip in it, so I just went ahead and threw the thing away".