Copenhagen - Sterling pregnancy advice from fecund Danish red-bloods has left silly stick insect Kate Middleton fuming.
Unicef rentacrowd shoo-ins met the faux duchess and her equally spurious royal husband outside a foreign aid warehouse where the couple is on a self promotion mission as bona fide humanitarians.
But the jolly was interrupted as Danish tour hosts Prince Frederik and Princess Mary were asked to explain a saucy 'sperm race' cartoon published this morning by Copenhagen Tidbits to mark the Cambridges' visit.
The comedic drawing shows two sperm in a swimming race to fertilise a human egg with the caption 'Are we nearly there yet, Dick?' and 'Sorry, Roger... we've only just passed the tonsils, mate.'
It's thought by some to come from a Brit satirical site which regularly sends up self publicists who cash in on royal gravy train handouts.
A spokesperson for Buckingham Palace said today the couple had been briefed in human fertilisation techniques but that these things take time and money and money and...lots more besides.
Royal obstetrician Sir Ventouse Forceps is 69.