Written by Lyndon

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Wednesday, 26 October 2011

image for Student loan debt in Germany reaches thousand euro mark for first time in history
For the first time in history: German students are routinely getting drunk due to tuition debt

BERLIN, Germany--No stranger to dark moments in history, Germany announced this week that for the first time in history, student loan debt will break the dreaded per-student mark of one thousand euros ($1,367).

In an attempt to quell student outrage, Angela Merkel has promised to develop a plan to help students tackle what most see as insurmountable debt.

Student Lena Nasenlöcher, 21, who studies engineering at the Universität Arschbacke, said, "My starting salary is expected to be 62,000 EUR and I'm supposed to find the money to pay my debt of 1,000 EUR? This is like a nightmare, worse than the Berlin Wall going up."

Students have taken to the streets in a movement many have coined "Occupy the Library" to protest the 500 EUR semester fees that most German states charge.

Otto Ohrwachs, 19, a first-year student at the Universität Fussnägel, said, "Vhen you must pay zhis money, ze Bier money ist aus. Vhat are ve meant to trink? Orange tschuice? I don't zhink zo. Zhis ist Scheisse!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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