Germany's out-of-control Roentgen Satellite (Rosat) - seen re-entering the Earth's atmosphere around 02.00GMT - is suspected of causing the 7.3 tremor which struck Eastern Turkey's city of Van today.
Some 20 tonnes of space junk are thought to have survived re-entry burn-out before hurtling on a collision course with the ancient Turkish town named after an early 5th century BC Ford Transit prototype.
The quake's epicenter is close to the Iranian border near the historic Tilkitepe Mound which straddles millenia-old geological fault lines.
These were blamed by generations of pesky Zoroastrians for warring tribal conflicts with indigenous Kurds, Armenians and Tajiks (WTF? - Ed)
At lunchtime today a chunk of Rosat's telescope was seen protruding from Lake Van as seething plumes of steam rose high in the air, instantly immolating flocks of pink flamingos and other lakeside wildlife.
"It's out worst tremor catastrophe since the last one," Turkish TV news reported as compensation-minded government number crunchers began the arduous task of calculating $$$s compensation payouts.
A spokesperson for German Chancellor Angela Merkel said today the entire story is utter rubbish.
Zsa Zsa Gabor is 104.