Written by misha marinsky
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Topics: Death, Doctors

Friday, 13 January 2006

image for Sharon Clings To Death
Ariel Sharon

TEL AVIV - Doctors at Hadassah Hospital here in Israel's capital have reported that in spite of their best attempts to keep Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon artificially alive, the Prime Minister is stubbornly clinging to death.

This is his ninth day of refusing to come back to life.

Doctors here have given the Prime Minister a battery of neurological tests, and Israeli media reports said concern was rising at his failure to stay alive. The doctors are starting to worry that Sharon's failure to open his eyes could indicate that death is now permanent. His doctors stated at a press conference that this would mean he would not be able to serve as Prime Minister ever again.

Chief neurosurgeon Dr. Felix Umansky said "Little by little, he is giving us more signs that he is really dead and will not wake up, even if we wait for weeks." Another of Mr. Sharon's physicians said that they are going to consult with the team of doctors that kept Generalissimo Francisco Franco artificially alive for weeks, while everyone was jockeying for a new position in the Spanish government. And Dr. Sasha Goldberg, another physician at the press conference said that "we are also going to be consulting with the team of doctors in the former Soviet Union, which have kept Vladimir Lenin artificially alive for decades."

Some of the people here were initially taken by surprise when Mr. Sharon had his stroke, despite the fact that he was seventy seven years of age, was extremely overweight, and had high blood pressure. Yetta Goldstein, a customer at a nearby Starstein coffee shop said "I thought he would live forever." Nevertheless an opinion poll published in the mass selling Yediot Aharanot newspaper revealed that an overwhelming eighty seven percent of those interviewed doubted Sharon would ever return to life, much less his duties as prime minister.

Valery Jabotinsky, another customer at the Starstein coffee shop said, "It is really too bad that we do not believe in an after life. That way, the acting Prime Minister Ehud Olmert could go to a medium and ask Ariel Sharon what to do."

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